Well, I was kind of a disaster of emotions a few days ago.
Today I am better, though.
I guess this has been happening over and over. I’m back up, then I’m back down. I’m dreaming about my life abroad. But then I think about my current reality. I sit in my office every day, super unhappy, and I dread going into work the next day. So I try to cram as much “life” in as I can within the 5 hours between work and sleep because I know that when I sleep, I’ll be back at work upon waking up. I literally have days where I feel like maybe I AM depressed.
But I know this reality is ending soon and it’s happening.
It’s REALLY happening – I’m embarking on my life abroad as a digital nomad in about 2 months! I start smiling at the thought.
However, the excitement is short-lived as fear starts consuming me.
Why am I scared?
Fear – the Power of Broke
3 days ago, 2 of my freelancing gigs ended. I have been expecting this day to come, but it’s scary when it really does. It hits you. And it’s funny it happened RIGHT before my trip. Losing your gigs really makes you realize how unstable freelancing can be.
I know I’m focused on passive income but the idea of losing my active income scares the shit out of me. It’s not like I’m running low on savings. I’m pretty good on that. I just worry and I have a lot of anxiety. Maybe it’s from the way I was raised.
But this fear and instability is a bit of what I’m looking for with this life abroad right? I want to experience the power of broke. I want to feel so scared/fucked, that I grind like crazy and start writing a bunch of kindle books, blog posts, work on building businesses, etc. I want to feel that desperation that will motivate me to work extremely hard.
I want to harness that fear.