“Replace your judgments with empathy, upgrade your complaining to gratitude, and trade in your fear for love.” – Hal Elrod

I hung out with my friend the other day, who’s such a positive person to be around. He’s a dreamer and introspective person, so we’ll constantly bounce back and forth on ideas, random things we want to do/pursue, aspects of ourselves we want to improve on, etc. We’ll also challenge ourselves in different ways as we’re obsessed with personal development. Occasionally I might bring up situations in which I feel I’m overthinking or trying to let go of something, or someone had upset me. After talking it out – which is already half the battle, I heard his personal way of approaching situations of ruminating and coming across people with negative energy. His solution was quite simple. Essentially he says “when a situation arises and I’m taking too much time to think about it without any benefit, I just don’t, cause why expend that extra energy?”

I’m sure we’ve all heard that piece of advice in some form or another. But I have been engraining this idea more. Watching him take strides in improving his weaknesses and seeing the positivity he radiates motivates me to be better. I come out of our hangouts extremely positive, inspired, and motivated.

This kind of made me think – how can I make sure I’m this same force for everyone in my lives? How can I elevate myself as well as elevate others?

After reading some books and talking to people with positive vibes versus people with negative vibes, I’ve put together a list of things I think make people a more positive force in life.

How to Be Positive in Life

1. We Don’t Deserve Anything

Sometimes bad shit happens to the best of people, and sometimes good shit happens to the worst of people. It’s such a crappy thing to realize cause of its unfairness. When thinking of how some of us are born into more disadvantaged families while others are born with privilege, we can come to realize that we don’t deserve anything – not a job, a family, a house, or happiness. But by fully engraining this fact into our minds, we can start being grateful of what we DO have and be a more positive force in life.

2. Take Responsibility. Be Wary of Yourself and Your Weaknesses

I’ve met cynical folks who tend to blame external conditions and don’t understand why they turn people off. Though I talked a lot about being yourself in my last post, I think it is important to continually improve your weaknesses. The outward success you attract depends on the amount of personal development you’ve already done. Positive people are more aware of who they are and how their actions affect others, and they understand we’re all responsible for our lives, feelings, thoughts, etc. If your external situations are constantly negative and your mindset is always “why does this always happen to me”, it’s time to look inward and ask if you might be producing negative vibes to the world or if you’re not taking responsibility. Be aware if you’re hating or complaining a lot, raining on people’s parades, and talking too much without listening. Understand what you’re putting forth to the world and work on improving yourself continually.

3. Surround Yourself with Positive People

I’m a big believer in surrounding yourself with the right people. We’ve all heard that quote saying you’re the average of the 5 people you hang out with. Along the same lines as tip #2, do you notice the friends you hang out with are cynical, constantly complaining, negatively rambling about their lives, and strongly pushing their viewpoints without an open mind? (And are you yourself doing the same?) It’s time to take a hard look at not only yourself but also the people you surround yourself with cause their energy becomes your energy. To amend this you can have an honest chat with people in your circle, and/or work towards surrounding yourself with others who you respect and can improve you. And these people aren’t just going to come to you naturally – you’re going to have to break out of your comfort zone to make new friendships. One way is going on Meetup.com to meet new people who share similar interests. This is actually how I met my friend who I described earlier. Positivity comes more naturally when you’re around positive people.

4. In Even the Worst of Situations, Send Love to Yourself and Others

As humans, we tend to focus on the negative. Our brains are just wired more sensitively to negative news. If we won $50 through a scratchcard and later got $50 stolen from us, we give more emphasis on the loss than the gain, and negative events tend to linger in our brains longer than the positive ones.

If we want to be more positive in life, we’re going to have to be conscious of when we’re focusing on the negative, cause it’s just such a natural human tendency. Sometimes focusing on the negative just happens subconsciously without us realizing it.

In unpleasant situations where you may have regretted something you said, or you were met with a challenging person, it’s important to not let unfavorable emotions consume you. And instead of saying “no” to those emotions, I challenge you to accept the situation and feelings, and then take responsibility and turn it around by sending positive vibes instead.  The other day, I encountered someone who was unnecessarily raining on my parade. I let myself get caught up in the negative energy, but the next day I recapped and realized I had to take responsibility of my emotions and thoughts (back to tip #2). And I actually asked “what if, in my head, I sent him love and happiness? What if instead of lingering on the bad, I decided to feel empathy and realize he probably needs love more than others?” And that’s what I did, and suddenly I calmed down and my glass became half full instead of half empty. Same thing happened today – a car cut me off while driving in a situation he/she wasn’t supposed to. I was a bit upset initially but I decided to wish them some love instead.

And while you’re wishing love to others, you’ve got to love yourself too. Be compassionate and forgiving when you feel guilt or had made a mistake. There comes a point in which beating yourself up just doesn’t do any good. Just learn from the past and move forward. I’m not saying to allow and let yourself stay in every bad situation. You’ve got to express self love and know when to extract yourself from an unpleasant environment.

5. Remove Attention on “Gap Focus” and Get Excited About Your Goals

I learned this concept from The Miracle Morning – the idea of “gap focus”. Gap focus is the focus on the gap between your current self and your ideal self. “High achievers” tend to constantly focus on the gap which tends to make them not feel good enough and forget to appreciate their accomplishments. Not saying I am a high achiever, but I am quite guilty of focusing on that gap. The good part is that it creates motivation, but at the same time it can make you feel crappy about yourself. Be aware of when you’re caught in this negative habit and forget to appreciate the present. Rather than see how far your potential and dreams are from your current self, appreciate the process and get excited about your goals. Focus on the positive rather than the negative! Practice that self love with enjoying each moment.

6. Journal

Journaling is in relation to tip #5. Writing about your day and talking through your thoughts gives you an outlet to express yourself and recap about your days. In turn, this will allow for more reflection on your progress and appreciation for your growth, and this will help with removing the excessive attention to gap focus.

7. Make Sure Your Intentions are Positive & Actions are Honorable

I think it’s important to always ask why you’re doing what you’re doing or why you’re thinking and feeling what you are. For example, it’s great to work hard, but it’s not so great to work hard with a pure drive for “vengeance”. I try to steer away from the whole “the best revenge is success” type of mentality. Cause if you’re truly a positive and enlightened force, you’re not driven by external factors or trying to make others feel bad with your success. Your success should be for your own self, to fulfill your personal purpose and dreams.

8. Be Present and Grateful

My friend mentioned the other day about how he smelled a peach, just appreciating the wonderful smells of the world and how amazing it is to be alive. It reminded me to be more present with the now. So yesterday, while I was showering, I forced myself to feel the water splash on my skin so I could enjoy and appreciate my existence and the fact that I am able to feel things. Positive people practice gratitude and presence to appreciate the beauty of life.

Conclusion

When letting go of hate and judgment and replacing these feelings with love and empathy, you’re able to remove things that weigh you down and see life in a different light. The more you’re aware of this, the more you’ll be able to stay happy without needing too much. And the more positive you are, the more you spread happiness in not only yourself but in others as well.

If you have any other tips on how to be positive in life, let us know in the comments below!