In this post we cover should you marry a spender if you’re a saver?
Marriage is one of the most important events in life and something that should not be entered into lightly. We have been told many times over to be very selective when it comes to prospective life partners. The staggering number of divorces is not very encouraging. The last thing anyone wants is to have a marriage that is full of unhappiness and regret.
We should consider the qualities of the person we are thinking of marrying. They must respect your beliefs, they must help you grow as a person, they must have complete trust in you, they must allow you a life outside the relationship, they must appreciate you, and they must be willing to compromise. So many things have been said but one thing that is not discussed much when it comes to marriage is finances. Yes, finances.
A lot of marriages and relationships have been ruined because of financial disagreements. Money can ruin a marriage. It is not a secret that fighting about money or lack thereof puts a huge strain on a relationship. According to a study conducted by SunTrust, money is the third leading cause of divorces and accounts for 22% of all divorces.
This paints a grim picture for married couples or couples who would like to marry but do not have a healthy financial relationship. This also begs the question, should you marry someone who likes to spend if you’re someone who like to save? Is your relationship doomed if the other party likes to spend money? You won’t be seeing eye to eye on finances and when this happens disagreements and arguments are likely to arise.
Is there anything you can do to ensure that spending habits won’t drive each other crazy and put a wedge on your marriage? Before spenders and savers marry each other, it is very important to consider a few things and ask yourselves in complete honesty if you will be able to do all the things we have enumerated and explained below.
Should You Marry a Spender if You’re a Saver?
Do not set yourself up for disaster
Marriage is an exciting time and in the midst of all the emotions and happiness of finally walking down the aisle, it can be easy to unknowingly set yourselves up for disaster. Of all married couples, the number one mistake they make is spending too much on the wedding.
Yes, a wedding doesn’t happen every day and it is a special occasion that must be celebrated but it doesn’t mean that you should drive yourselves to near bankruptcy. The average cost of a wedding is more than $20,000 but if you live in metropolitan areas such as New York, the cost can be thrice as high. Most people who are starting cannot afford to pay in cash so they often go in debt just to splurge on one occasion.
Do not be like a lot of couples who are drowning themselves at the gate of marriage. No, you do not have to forego the wedding festivities but if you have a limited budget, you should find ways to make the wedding more economical and save the grand party for your tenth anniversary when you are in a much better financial position.
Discuss your demons
Both spouses should fully disclose their financial situation with each other before tying the knot. This might be uncomfortable but it is the best time to discuss your investments, loans, debts, income sources, financial assets and obligations. When you know where you stand, you can both make sound financial plans for your benefit, regardless if you are a saver or a spender.
Nobody wants to be unpleasantly surprised with a spouse’s huge debt. Suffice it to say that most marriages that failed early on had one or both spouses hiding things from each other.
Set budgets
No one should be left to handle bills on their own. It is always better to budget for shared expenses such as utilities, groceries, house payment, household purchases, cell phone bills, gas, car insurance, and other things. Having a budget will make you think long and hard about things you “need” that are outside your necessities.
Having a budget will give you a clear picture of where your money goes, where you can make cuts, and where you can afford to splurge a bit more. You can also think about other ways you can still entertain yourself without spending, such as borrowing library books and movies instead of buying them.
Learn to communicate
Communication is key. You should talk about your joint goals and dreams and how you both will go about achieving them. Good communication is essential in a relationship where one is a spender and the other is a saver. You should set money goals that are realistic and positive. Steer clear of overly aspirational goals.
An excellent idea is to create separate Financial Bucket Lists and go over your answers together. You will have several talking points that will open a line of communication about where you want your money to go. One thing that you should ensure is to only have money-related conversations when you are both calm. Do not talk about money when you are already arguing about something else.
Keep constant communication
Communication need not and must not stop between spouses. It is crucial in maintaining any sort of a healthy financial relationship. You are a team and you both need to have full knowledge of what’s going on. The spender has a responsibility to keep your spouse updated with receipts and anything that needs to be bought that week or that month. On the other hand, the saver has a responsibility to keep your spouse updated with the expenses that need to be worked on and should give his or her other half a financial overview. No one should be kept in the dark.
Allow yourself some freedom
Money is something that should be shared in marriage, just like everything else, but it is always a good idea to have a slush fund for each spouse. You should designate a specific amount of money each month that can be used to do something fun. Remember, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, or in this case, Jack and Jill. This “fund” should be unaccounted for and you both can decide where or what to spend it on.
This will allow each of you to buy something that you don’t normally buy in the name of saving, and buy it without any guilt that you are using your grocery budget. You might not be able to afford much with every paycheck to start with but it is still ok as long as you can start saving for something special.
Reward your progress
Every time your spouse puts money into whatever you are saving for or makes a wise spending choice, praise him or her. Do it genuinely, not sarcastically. It can be quite difficult to change your mindset, especially when it comes to finances, so make sure you make your spouse feel good for any progress they make, regardless of how small.
Do not be afraid to reward yourself every month by doing something fun. You can splurge on a food item or enjoy a meal out together. If you are both into art you can buy art supplies and create something together that you can proudly display in your home. Be careful with rewards though! You do not want to overspend and you want to ensure that you are still keeping a budget even for the fun side of things.
Acknowledge negative emotions
Resentment is a common thing when a spender decides to marry a saver. It usually happens when a spender decides to make secretive purchases and ignores the budget that has hitherto been agreed upon. The saver may feel taken advantage of or start believing that he or she is being ignored. This can easily put a wedge on a marriage.
A successful marriage is one that has both people feel being part of as a team. Feeling alone and isolated is not something anyone wants in a marriage. Always communicate your negative feelings as soon as you start feeling them. The earlier you talk about it, the earlier you can put a stop to it.
Learn how to understand and forgive
Remember that neither one of you is perfect. Somebody will make mistakes along the way. Financial screw-ups are inevitable even if both of you are responsible. Forgive your significant other if he or she forgets to pay the bills on time. The real test in your marriage and your financial goal is how you respond to setbacks. Marriages would be a lot better if financial mistakes are forgiven, rather than held against the other spouse.
Acceptance
There are times when you just have to accept things because you can’t change them, and this includes your partner’s spending habits. You can help a spender improve but you surely won’t be able to change them overnight. You can’t miraculously expect them to stop spending immediately. Be patient and try to ask why your spender spouse spends money the way they do. What do they feel when spending money?
Are they spending as a result of how their parents spend money? Do they equate spending money with love? There might be more to their spending than what you see on the surface. Once you get the answers to these questions, you will have a clearer picture of why your spouse spends money the way they do. When you understand your spouse’s spending habits, it will be easier to create a financial plan that is feasible for both of you.
Combine finances responsibly
Experts suggest you combine finances and share credit cards with your partner to prevent worries of your spender partner making secretive purchases from you. When you combine your finances responsibly, there is increased communication and visibility with how much gets saved and spent.
It is also advisable to set up a monthly meeting when you can both look over your statements and see how you are both doing financially. If you have spent a healthy amount of money, you can afford to loosen up on some things. If you have spent more money than you can afford to, you should cut back on other things.
With combined finances comes transparency and that is the key to a healthy financial future with your spouse. It will keep you out of debt and allow you to reach your goals together, happily.
Before you tie the knot
You should never be in a hurry to tie the knot. Marrying someone with financial views that are the polar opposite of yours should make you pause. However, this doesn’t mean that you should completely steer clear of people who do not have the same views as yours. A relationship between a spender and a saver can still succeed as long as you both sit down and agree to work on things.
A saver can help add boundaries to a spender’s life. The spender, on the other hand, can remind a saver that life should be enjoyed and lived in the moment. The help of a financial counsellor or a financial planner can be invaluable in your marriage. Before you walk down the aisle, the financial planner can help you create a money plan which will serve as a guide.
Even if neither of you has any debt to work on, it is still important to discuss finances. After all financial planning shouldn’t only take place when you’re up to your neck in debt. In the first place, financial planning is a must so that debt can be avoided or kept to a minimum.
Marriage between a spender and a saver can and does result in success stories as long as you do not ignore money-related conversations before tying the knot. You can have a happy, healthy and financially sound future with your spouse and your family.
We hope you enjoyed this post on should you marry a spender if you’re a saver! Let us know in the comments below if this helped you.
